Road Trip
by pacphys
Summary: The guys go on a road trip. A series of oneshots kind of that no road trip would be complete without
1. Rest Area

Road Trip

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this piece. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the wonderful creations of Eastman and Laird and they are owned by people who are not me. I also don't get paid for this. Please don't sue.

A/N: I decided to take a little break from Nalong. Actually it was a rather insistent plot bunny that forced me to take a break. I'll get back to that story soon! In the meantime I hope you enjoy this!

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"Mikey, you'd better remember to turn that off when we stop." Donatello warned his brother as he saw the reading light in the back of the battle-shell come on.

"Sure thing bro." Mikey responded promptly.

Don wasn't going to complain too much because the light meant that Mikey was reading his comic book and not asking annoying questions like 'are we there yet?' As long as Mikey was reading everyone was happier. Leo sat beside him in the passenger's seat with a map spread out on his lap and an atlas lying open on the dashboard. Raph was behind Don sipping on a soda and watching on with a rare look of amusement as Leo fiddled with the maps in an attempt to plot the course to their destination

"You know Don. We really should have done this last night." In all honesty it was too dark to read the map, but that didn't stop Leo from trying.

"We did. We're staying on this road until…"

"I told you I don't like being on the freeways. There are too many opportunities to be seen, and never mind the possibility of a wreck. Look around Don, and tell me there aren't too many cars for comfort."

"Actually, statistics say that the likelihood of a wreck is much lower on the freeway than on those little highways you want to take. Besides, this rig would stand out like a sore thumb there. We've already had this discussion Leo, you lost, besides Mikey gets sick on those roads, remember?"

"Then why are you letting him read?"

Don gave Leo a look that said s_ince when am I his keeper. _But the look he got back from Leo wanted an answer, so Don gave him one.

"Two things Leo. A) If he gets sick it's his own fault, and what am I gonna do about it? Pull over and take his comic book? And B) If he's reading then he's not asking if we're there yet.

Even Leo couldn't refute the truth of the second statement.

Raphael continued to watch on as his entertainment suddenly became far more interesting.

Leo sighed and started to fold the map. Well he tried to. Every time he got about halfway through he came across a crease going the opposite direction, and shortly after that the map exploded back to its full size and he had to start over. After the fifth failed attempt he caught Don shaking his head slightly at his complete and utter inability to fold the map, but it was the chuckle from Raphael that almost put him over the edge. He growled at the map and tried again only to have the thing burst open once more

"Need a hand with that bro?" Raphael asked with amusement in his voice. As much fun as it was to watch Leo try to fold that map Raphael couldn't help but get in a stab at his brother's expense.

"No."

Raph sat back in his seat and watched as his entertainment continued. He couldn't help but giggle each time the map once again erupted in his brother's lap.

After a few more failed attempted Leo caught Donatello's repeated glances in his direction.

"Shouldn't you be watching the road!" he snapped. Donatello quickly turned back to the road in response, but it wasn't long before he had to glance back over at Leo's progress, or lack thereof.

Finally, the blue-clad turtle gave up on folding the map and, annoyed with Raph's continued laughing, threw it into the red turtle's lap. The shocked look on Raphael's face was all Leo needed to feel his mood lighten a little.

"You think you can to better?" Leo asked silkily.

The grimace that passed over Raph's features was quickly suppressed, but Leo caught it and tucked in to watch as Raph made his own attempt at folding the map. Each time Raph failed to close the map properly he noticed the amused look on Leo's face as he was forced to start over.

"Where's the high and mighty map folder now?" Leo asked smugly around the third attempt.

"This thing doesn't fold!" Raph shouted, too loudly for the small confines of the battle-shell.

Mikey took off his headphones and put down his comic book at Raph's shout.

"Well, it started folded. You just need the right touch!" Mikey's mocking expression turned to fear as the map landed squarely in his lap.

"You think you go the right touch? Ok, you do it."

Donatello spotted a 'Rest Area - 1 Mile' sign and hoped beyond hope that no one was there, though this late at night they were probably ok. He, for one, needed a break.

Leo and Raph were now both watching Mikey attempt to fold the map. Holding it carefully he forced down the last fold and, being careful not to release the corners, he offered it to Leo, who wasn't quite willing to touch the bulging blob of map.

"Uh Mikey, I don't think…"

"Shut up, it's folded isn't it?" He turned to Raph and again offered the map.

"Kinda." Raph eyed the paper as though it were dangerous and, quite possibly, lethal.

Mikey finally put the map on the floor only to have it explode open once again as Donatello pulled the rig off the freeway.

"Oh for crying out loud!" He exclaimed as he shut the truck down and turned to his brothers who were still trying to fold the map. "Give it to me."

They didn't respond right away, just looked at him oddly.

"Come on, hand it over." Don insisted with seldom used authority in his voice.

Mikey handed the now well worn map over to the purple clad turtle and, along with his other brothers, watched in shock as Donnie quickly and quietly returned the map to its original folded state and stashed it in the glove box in front of Leo.

"Don't know about you, but I need a break." Don said as he climbed down from the driver's seat and headed toward the restroom, leaving his brothers to do as they would in the battle-shell.

Leo opened the glove box again and the three turtles still in the rig disbelievingly eyed the map where it now innocently laid in the glove box. They were still staring at the map when Don came out of the restroom. They looked up as he glanced over his shoulder and headed in the opposite direction of the truck. Leonardo carefully closed the glove box, locking the map up inside where it could do no more damage, and the three remaining turtles jumped out of the vehicle and headed to the restroom.

When they came out Donatello was nowhere to be found. They stood quietly for a moment and listened. Eventually the noise that had caught Donnie's attention found their ears as well. A rushing of water, but it was a far different from the water sound they heard in the sewers. This was not water running through a contained pipe, but water trickling and dancing through trees and over rocks. It was a bit of a walk but they did eventually find the source of the sound.

The river smelled wonderful. It had a clean scent that only a freshwater river far from the city can have. The air also carried the slight tang of soil. The smell was so different from anything they encountered in the city, and they chose to take some time to sit back and enjoy it, as soon as they found Don that is. It didn't take long to find him, looking around they discovered that he was already a step ahead of them in the enjoying the river department. Donatello was lying on his plastron atop a large rock at the very edge of the water. One hand dangled down and flicked at the river every now and then. He was quite content where he was; his brothers could tell that much even from where they stood in the dark. Even Raphael felt a sense of peace in this place. So close to civilization and the world that they were constantly hiding from, and yet it felt like the nearest town was miles away.

Raph headed toward his brother who was still perched on his rock either oblivious to Raphael's presence or ignoring it. As he neared Donatello's perch Raph spotted a smaller rock on the riverbank and sat down on it dangling his feet in the cool clean water. Everything felt different here, even the water, and for the first time in far too long Raphael felt totally at peace. He just sat, feet in the water, and let his mind wander.

"Nice isn't it?" A familiar quiet voice interrupted Raph's thoughts.

He looked up at Donatello whose presence he had almost forgotten.

"Yeah, it's a nice spot."

For several long moments the only sounds were the song the river and Donatello's occasional splashing.

"COWABUNGA!!!"

Then there was that.

Donatello and Raphael snapped to attention and observed the scene now taking place in the river. Michelangelo had cannon-balled into the cool water and was now paddling happily around the river.

"Hey Donnie!" He called out. "Nice spot!"

Looking upstream from his spot on the rock he could see Leo shaking his head at Mikey's antics, but darn it that water looked inviting. Donnie stripped off his pads, belt and mask before leaping from the rock and tackling his joker of a brother.

Raphael looked up the river and caught his still dry brother's eye.

"You know what they say Leo. If ya can't beat em…!" Raph clambered up the rock Don had been sitting on and jumped into the water almost on top of Donnie and Mikey.

Leo watched, and had to laugh at his brothers splashing around in the river like little kids. He tried to do the mature thing, the responsible thing and stay dry on the shore to keep an eye out for anyone who might come by, but there was another part of him that really wanted to go into that water as well. He watched and weighed his options. Michelangelo went underwater and disappeared for a few moments. Raph and Don were busy splashing each other and didn't seem to notice that their orange masked brother was no longer part of their game. Leo scanned the river for any trace of Michelangelo, and didn't see any. He was scanning the far bank when cool water hit him.

He looked toward the source of the splash and there was Mikey. All Leo could see of him was the top of his head, the orange mask he had neglected to take off and mischievous look in his eyes. His decision was made now. Leo quickly stripped off his pads, belt and mask before joining his brothers in the water.

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A couple of hours later all four turtles were ready to get back on the road. Mikey was of course complaining about his knee and elbow pads being wet, but no one really had any sympathy for him. Raph's were wet too, but he didn't complain. Don and Leo were dry by the time they got back to the battle-shell where they put their pads, belts and masks back on.

"So who's drivin'?" Raph asked. Everyone knew that the translation of that statement was 'NOT IT!' Even though Raph usually liked to drive he evidently didn't want to now.

"You go a couple more hours left in you Donnie?" Leo asked. He wasn't fond of driving, especially on the freeway and Mikey had already leapt into the back.

"Sure." Don climbed back into the driver's seat and turned the key.

_Whir…whir…whir…rrrrrrr… _

Nothing. Don had a feeling he knew exactly what had happened, but he tried it again anyway.

_Whir…whir…whir…rrrrrrr… _

"Miiii-keeeyy,"

"What?" There was genuine confusion on Mikey's face as he tried to figure out what he'd done now.

Donatello looked back and sure enough, the reading light emitted a too-soft glow. The other three turtles followed Don's gaze and immediately knew what had happened.

"Good one Bro," Raphael growled as he smacked Mikey up the back of the head.

"Oops."

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WOOHOO!! Ok that's done. This was intended as a one shot. Based on the ending, I give you three guesses as to what I did that led to this little plot bunny, and the first two don't count.


	2. Bees and Bananas

Road Trip: Bees and Bananas

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't get paid. Please don't sue!

A/N: This fic is going to be more of a series of one-shot events that no road trip is complete without. A GREAT BIG THANK YOU to all who reviewed. Oh, and the last chapter was inspired by my waiting for AAA to come jump start my car after I left the dome light on. This one is from something that happened on a trip with some friends. Oh, I actually did write a jump start, but it didn't have that spark I was looking for, and overall it just came off really flat, so I posted this instead. ENJOY!

The scenery had changed dramatically. They were no longer driving through the dark-green, tree-filled forest, now it was almost a desert. The plants that did grow were small: low lying bushes and shrubs dotted the landscape, and a few small trees sprung up here and there. A single mountain rose majestically to the west. Michelangelo was driving, and Raphael had claimed the passenger seat. Raph had headphones on and wasn't terribly interesting conversation at the moment. Mikey was pretty sure that Leo was behind him reading a book, and Donnie was curled up on the floor in the back, taking a nap.

Michelangelo pulled the rig off the highway they had taken to get out to this remote location. The short gravel road led to a deserted area that looked like a nice place to have lunch. He parked in the center of the lot facing the mountain, shut off the truck and jumped out. Raph turned off his music and got out as well. He took a few moments stretching out the kinks from sitting so long before moving to the back of the Battle Shell. Leonardo climbed out of the back and Donnie, who had woken up as soon as they had turned on to the gravel road, pushed the cooler and the food box to the back door before jumping down himself.

Mikey pulled a little container of hand sanitizer from the box, used a little himself and passed it on to Leo. Eventually the little container worked its way to Donatello. He accepted it absently and put some in his hands. He was looking at the mountain and not really paying attention to what he was doing, but as he rubbed the stuff in he realized that it felt really weird, and he couldn't quite believe that no one else had noticed. Suddenly he realized what the stuff was.

"Does this seem really weird to anyone else?" Raphael asked at that moment. He was trying to shake some of the gook off his hands.

"Yes, and it smells like bananas. Who got this stuff?" Leo added as he attempted to wipe some of it off on one of his knee pads.

"Uh guys, I don't think it's hand sanitizer." Don stated unsurely. "I think it's soap." He took a closer look at the container for the yellow goo and found nothing on it to suggest that it was either item, but it really felt like soap, and Leo was right about the almost overpowering smell of bananas. Donatello pulled a water bottle from the food box and used it to rinse the soap off his hands as best he could. When he was done he handed to bottle to Leo who was now futzing with a paper towel.

"Thanks Donnie. Who bought this stuff anyway?"

Oddly, no one knew, or weren't about to admit to it if they did. Leo handed the water to Raphael.

By the time the soap had been, more or less, rinsed from everyone's hands Don and Leo had laid out sandwiches. A piece of fruit and some water completed the lunch. Raphael growled and swatted at a couple of bees as he accepted the food. Together the four headed over to a large rock that would be a nice place to sit and enjoy their meal… or so they thought.

"Are there normally this many bees around here?" Michelangelo asked as he swatted three away from his sandwich."

"I don't think so," Leo responded. There did seem to be an unusually high number of them flying around. He looked to Donatello for confirmation, but the purple turtle was focused on the bee that had landed on his hand. Donnie had an odd look on his face, like he was remembering something that he would have rather not remembered.

Don did remember something he had picked up somewhere along the line that was a little disturbing at this point. The bee landing on his hand had snapped the little memory to the fore, but he wasn't going to move until that bee was gone. He wasn't even going to breathe. Finally the bee took off and went to bother someone else.

"Uh, I don't know if you want to hear this or not, but bees give off a pheromone that is almost identical to banana oil. It makes the other bees violent and protective."

Well, he certainly got his brothers attention with that one.

"What does that have to do with… oh" Mikey stopped as he remembered the banana soap. "That's probably not a good thing, huh?" He was biting one finger and a moment later made a face and tried everything he knew in an attempt to remove the taste of banana-scented soap from his mouth. The three other turtles watched on in amusement.

"No, probably not," Leo agreed.

"So, we're what, the center of the universe to every bee in the Borough?" Raph asked

"Something like that," Don acknowledged.

"Why don't we go back to the Battle Shell?" Leo suggested as he picked up what was left of his lunch and headed back to the truck. The others picked up their own food and followed.

As they neared the rig the density of the bees increased. There were hundreds of the things swarming around them, and it was a minor miracle that no one got stung. Glancing over at Raphael, Leo could see that his hot-headed brother was holding his tongue, and temper, in check.

It was only upon reaching the Battle Shell that they realized they had left the back door open, and Donatello grimaced at the thought of the number of bees that had to be inside by now. They quickly packed up the lunch stuff and got back in the truck. Somehow Don had wound up with the keys, Mikey claimed the passenger seat this time, and Raph and Leo were in the back.

"I hate bugs." Raph grumbled as Donnie pulled back out onto the highway.

It wasn't long before Don had to pull over so they could chase a bee out of the Battle Shell. The insect was driving them crazy, especially Raphael, who was about to take his frustration out on the nearby consoles. Donatello had some objections to that occurring so he decided that they should get the bee out, sooner rather than later, now that they were clear of whatever bee hive they had parked too close to.

Don and Leo finally chased the bee from the Battle Shell while Mikey was made fun of Raph's 'dislike' of insects.

"Aw, is wittle waphy afwaid of a wittle bitty bug?" Mikey teased.

"Shut up Mikey." Raph ordered as he and Leo climbed into the back again. Don reclaimed the driver's seat, and Mikey was the last to get in.

"YOW!" He cried out as soon as he sat down. Michelangelo leapt from the seat and Donnie was at his side almost immediately as a result of the yelp. "I think I just got stung." Mikey informed him.

Donatello came nearer to take a look and spotted the stinger on Mikey's… uh, near his tail. He knelt down beside his brother.

"Hey, what're you doing!" Mikey cried when Don got closer to his posterior than he was comfortable with.

"I'm going to get the stinger out, but you have to hold still." Don informed his brother who squinched his eyes shut.

A quick flick and it was all over. Mikey was stinger free. As soon as Don stood up Mikey clapped a hand over the offended area and had an absolutely pitiful look on his face. Don couldn't help but smile and shake his head at that look as he went to the back of the truck. Digging through the food box he pulled out a paper towel and wrapped it around a couple of ice cubes from the cooler.

"Serves ya right Mikey," Raphael growled, addressing the turtle as he came up behind Don. Raph's expression brightened a little as he continued the joke at Michelangelo's expense. "Kinda poetic justice isn't it?"

Mikey glared at the red-masked turtle determined not to dignify the crack with a response.

"You might want to take the floor for a while Mikey." Don suggested as he handed the ice cubes to his brother.

Michelangelo nodded and climbed into the back. Raph took the opportunity to jump into the passenger's seat. Don climbed back in, started the newly bee-free Battle Shell and once again they were on their way.

"Hey Mike," Raph started, in an attempt to cheer up the brother who was lying on his plastron and holding ice where the bee had gotten him. "Just be glad that it was Don who took the stinger out, and that you didn't have to explain how it got there."

Mikey wasn't amused.

Leonardo looked down at his brother's misery and, no matter how hard he fought, couldn't help but smile.

"Not funny Leo," the floor-bound turtle warned.

"You know Mikey, someday you're going to look back on this and laugh."


	3. High Profile

A/N: I know I said that these would be one-shots, but I am calling upon something that happened in the last chapter to make this work. Mikey, got stung and it swelled up, so he's been relegated to the floor for the time being.

Alright a great big THANK YOU to all of you who reviewed!

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Donatello woke up that morning a little under the weather. Ok, maybe a little was an understatement; he woke up a lot under the weather. Everyone else seemed fine, and they couldn't figure out for the life of them just what Donnie had picked up or where he had gotten it, but the fact remained: Donatello was sick as a dog. The ill turtle was curled around himself in the back of the Battle Shell, trying desperately to keep his lunch down and get some sleep. He wasn't having too much luck with either, especially considering Raphael's driving habits.

Mikey was still on the floor after getting stung on the bum by a bee yesterday, and he currently sported a lump the size of a small grapefruit. That made sitting, well… a little difficult, so he joined Donnie on the floor. Raph whipped the truck around another corner a little faster than was necessary and Mikey heard Don groan in response. From experience he knew that sound meant bad news.

"Raph, you might want to slow down on those corners a little more." Mikey said.

"You wanna drive?" Raph asked, annoyance dripping on every word. Between Mikey following Doc Don's 'no sit' instructions, Leo's continued avoidance of taking the wheel and Donatello's current state, Raphael had been driving all day. He was tired, and he was getting annoyed. Mikey's backseat driving was just about enough to push him over the edge.

"No, Raph, I'm sorry, I just mean… well, Donnie. He's…"

Raph took a deep breath and counted backward from ten in an attempt to calm down. Mikey hadn't meant anything by the comment. He was just looking out for their brother, all of them actually. If Raph didn't slow down, then Don's flippy stomach would get the better of him, again, and no one wanted that, especially not in an enclosed space like the Battle Shell.

Raphael found himself getting angry at Donnie. Not that there was anything the turtle in question could do about it, but Don was the other main driver, and Raphael felt a little betrayed. He just couldn't help it. Without realizing it, he sped up again and whipped through another s-curve on the windy mountain road. This time he heard Don too, and he slowed down again. When he spotted a park on the right side of the road he made an executive decision. They were stopping, and darn it, someone else was going to drive for a while. He didn't care who, but he was done!

"What are you doing?" Leo asked from beside him. "This isn't on our stop list."

"I don't care Leo. We're stopping here. I call it Driver's Prerogative. I'm the driver, have been all day," he glared pointedly at Leo, "and I say we're stopping."

Leonardo flinched at the look he got from Raphael. Raph had been driving all day, and he, Leo, hadn't even noticed. So far Leo had gotten away without driving at all, and he was happier that way. In short, Leonardo didn't want to drive. He'd thought the freeway would be scary with as fast as they were expected to go there, but he found that on these narrow, twisty, windy, go-off-the-edge-and-you-drop-100ft-down-the-side-of-a-mountain roads you were expected to go just as fast. The thought was more bothersome than he would care to admit. Climbing up a ladder on the side of a building was one thing, but this was totally different. An old fear peeked out of the corner of his mind to which it had long since been banished, and Leo did his best to force it back to the depths from which it came. He'd thought he had defeated his fear of heights completely, but evidently it was still around.

The park was deserted, as most were in this area, and they took advantage of that. Raph and Mikey were playing Frisbee. Leo had been a part of the game for a while, but eventually went over to Don, who was about a hundred feet away, sitting on the grass up against a tree with his knees pulled up to his chest and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and he was looking downright miserable.

"How're you doin' Donnie?" Leo asked.

"I've been better."

Leo just nodded and sat there beside his brother as they watched the pair playing Frisbee. He had to shake his head and laugh at Mikey when the turtle flinched and started walking a little strangely as a result of irritating his bee sting. For the life of him he couldn't understand where Donnie had gotten this. He put what was meant to be a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder, but was surprised when Don shook it off. "I'm sorry Donnie, I didn't think…" He tried to explain, but was cut off by his brother.

"Please leave me alone, Leo." Don begged quietly. "You don't want this."

Leo hesitated a moment before conceding to Donnie's wishes. He stood and walked back over to the game of Frisbee which came to a sudden halt at his approach.

"Maybe we should find a place to stop for the night." Michelangelo suggested.

Leo shook his head. "We're already behind guys. Stopping early last night put us four hours behind schedule and if we stop early again we'll be almost a full day's drive behind."

"Leo, look at him!" Raphael hissed. Donatello was curled up, head on his knees and only just managing to stay upright in his spot against the tree. "He can barely sit up straight!"

"He can sleep in the car, he's done it before." Leo insisted.

"Not when he was sick." Raph insisted. "What the shell do you think he's been trying to do all day!" Raphael turned to Mikey. "Mikey, you've been in back with him, how much actual sleep has Donnie gotten today?"

Mikey looked stricken, he had hoped to stay out of this argument. Evidently he would have no such luck. Both brothers eyed him expectantly. "Uh, I don't know, maybe an hour, at most."

Raph looked pleased while betrayal painted Leo's features.

"Not that your driving helped matters, Raph." Mikey added, taking the red clad turtle down a notch. "And what's the big deal anyway, it's not like we've got an appointment we'll miss if we come home a couple of days late. We're not going to be late for school or anything. Come on, let him get some rest."

"Gee, this is beautiful, the trees, the open meadow, the _lake_. You guys haven't noticed just how well sound carries out here have you?"

They looked around expecting to see Donnie somewhere nearby. He hadn't shouted, but had used a normal tone of voice. Looking around they found that he was still sitting up against his tree.

"Bodies of water _do_ amplify sound you know." Don added.

Horror crossed three faces as Leo, Raph and Mikey realized that Don had heard every single word they had said. Leo was the first to find his voice again.

"We really do need to make up some time guys."

":Fine." Raph gave in. "Make up time. But I'm not driving anymore today. Mikey can't, Donnie can't and I'm done, Leo. So I guess that means you're up." He offered the keys to Leo, who was reluctant to take them. Finally, Raph just dropped them on the ground and headed back to the Battle Shell.

"Whoa, don't look at me." Mikey said when Leo turned to him. "No sitting remember." He also followed Raph back to the Battle Shell.

Leo eyed the keys on the ground; he really didn't want to drive.

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Finally, Leo sighed and picked up the keys. He carefully started the Battle Shell and pulled the rig out onto the highway. He had hoped to stay on the road for a few hours yet, but stopping for the night kept sounding better and better. First off, he wouldn't have to drive anymore. Secondly, he was well aware of the fact that Donnie was miserable. Thirdly, he was getting very tense as he paid close attention to the road or, more specifically, the drop at the side of the road. And now he was coming up to a bizarre sign that made him even more nervous.

**High Profile Winds**

**Not Recommended**

Leonardo had no idea what that was supposed to mean. The sign was one of the informational flashing light signs often found around construction sites, but this informational message left something to be desired. Pretty much all Leo figured was that winds were involved and something wasn't recommended, that was it. He had absolutely no idea what that 'not recommended' something might be.

Suddenly, the Battle Shell jumped from its side of the road and tried to launch itself into the oncoming lane. There wasn't anyone coming, but all the same Leo really preferred to stay on his own side of the road. Now if he could only figure out what the shell a high profile wind was. The rig lurched again and even threatened to tip over this time.

"What's going on?" Don slurred groggily from the back after being thrown into the side of the rig.

"Uh, nothing," Leo insisted, "just a little wind."

"Wind? How much wind? We shouldn't be driving if it's too windy. This thing is just like a big sail. It tips really easily." The purple clad turtle lay back down, trusting the driving to his brother.

"You wouldn't happen to know what they mean by 'high profile winds, not recommended' would you?" Leo asked, referring to the sign he thought was strange. Once again he had to jerk the wheel to bring the Battle Shell back onto the road.

"Huh? What's not recommended?" Don asked, confused.

"I don't know. That's all the sign said."

"I don't know what a 'high profile wind' might be." Donnie was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "The Battle Shell has a high profile though." The rig leapt again and Leo forced it back into a straight line. As Leonardo fought to slow his pounding heart Don fought to keep his cookies where they belonged, not that there was much left to keep there.

"I'm thinkin' that maybe we shouldn't be driving this road now." Raphael added as Leo continued to fight to keep the truck on the road.

It seemed that Leo was fighting a losing battle and finally he complied with the wishes his brothers had been expressing for the past few hours. He started looking for a place to stop for the night. Today had been long enough!

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Leonardo placed his call and patiently awaited the response from the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

Leo was ecstatic to hear the voice on the other end of the line. He was frazzled at the moment and this individual could always help him calm down. "Hello, Sensei."

"Ah, my son, are you all enjoying your trip?"

"Uh, more or less," Leo felt the answer was a little shifty and he knew that Master Splinter would see right through it. He was not disappointed.

"I get the feeling that lately it has been 'less'." Splinter said knowingly.

Leo detailed all the events of the trip. He got to the strange sign and the wind that forced them to stop for the night and apologized that they would probably be a couple of days late in returning. The story had elicited a quiet laugh from the rat, and the young turtle had to ask his beloved sensei just what he found so funny. From Leo's point of view this was anything but funny.

"Trust me when I say this, my son," Splinter explained, "someday you will look back on this and laugh."

Leonardo was anything but convinced. He was miserable and couldn't even imagine anything that had happened on this trip as being funny, but he accepted his master's words. The phone call continued with Splinter offering suggestions on some herbs for Mikey's sting, and some tea for Donatello. When Leo insisted that they hadn't brought those things with them Splinter told him to check again when they finished talking. Sure enough, Leo found the items right where Splinter had said they'd be. Their father and sensei, always watching out for them, had slipped the items into the Battle Shell when his sons weren't looking. Leo pulled out the bag of herbs and teas, and smiled as he went to hunt down Mikey and Donnie.


	4. Food Fight

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Darn. I make no money from this. Also Darn. Please don't sue me.

Ok, I keep pulling from previous chapters. Mikey is fine now. Don's still a little queasy, but for the most part is ok now. His brother's took very good care of him. This is not your typical food fight. And to all you wonderful reviewers out there THANK YOU**!

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Leonardo found the fresh vegetables someone had packed in their cooler. It was something he would have done, but he knew that it hadn't been him. Raph wouldn't do that and Mikey, certainly not, so that left Donnie and Splinter. Either one of them might have thrown the vegetables in the cooler. Finding an onion in the cooler he guessed that it was probably the latter, or that little addition might have been Raphael's doing. Either way the red onion would work for what he had in mind.

Raphael was making sandwiches for lunch, while Leo put together a salad from the fresh veggies he had found. Mikey was off skateboarding somewhere in the deserted park and Donatello was checking the fluids in the Battle Shell. It had been running a little hot and he wanted to make sure everything was ok before they went any farther.

Leo looked around and found a large container that would suffice for his purposes and started ripping lettuce, them he cubed the mostly-bruised tomatoes. _What a stupid travel food, who packed these things?_ He followed with slicing the onions, he didn't need much, just a few to throw on top of the salads, well three of them anyway. He threw the tomatoes into the bowl of lettuce and looked at the onions in front of him. He didn't feel like adding the red vegetable rings at the end so he tossed them in with everything else. _He can just pick them out_.

Raphael pulled out the thermos of coffee that they had filled that morning and placed it on the table with the sandwiches. He then went in search of Michelangelo. As he turned from the table the napkins started to fly, he leapt back quickly, caught them and weighed them down with the thermos before starting after Mikey again.

Donatello slammed the hood of the Battle Shell after adding anti-freeze and returned the still half-full container to its rightful place in the back of the rig. He jumped out the back of the truck and was assaulted by the lingering smell of the onions Leo had been cutting. Feeling his face changing colors he jumped down and, ignoring Leo's calls to check if he was alright, hurried to the restroom. The nausea was fought back as he washed the grease from his hands. When he came out the salad had joined the sandwiches on the table and Raphael and Michelangelo had just returned. The four sat down to their lunch.

Leonardo found that the onions he had put in the salad were a little more powerful than he had expected. Mikey and Raph noticed that rather quickly too, but for some reason they kept their mouths shut. Leo was quickly becoming surer that it was his red banded brother who had thrown the onion into the supplies, and he probably had the blessings of their brother in orange at that time.

Donatello had eaten about half his sandwich and was working on his salad. Actually, he seemed to be playing with it more than eating it.

"Hey, Raph, want my onions?" Don asked absently as he pushed one of the items in question around his plate.

"Nah, I'm good." Raph responded a little too quickly. Leo noticed, but no one else seemed to. Raphael took the moment to pour himself some coffee from the thermos. It wasn't hot anymore, but it wasn't cold either, and it was better than nothing. He left the annoying lid off the travel cup and took a sip of the lukewarm liquid.

Don continued to absently push the onion around his plate. He could still smell the awful thing and he wanted it as far away from him as possible, but since Raph didn't want it and he knew that Leo and Mikey never took onions from him that it wasn't going anywhere. A quick glance told him that Raph had put his coffee down on the table and started back in on his own salad. Donatello sighed quietly and went to push the onion again, but this time his fork slipped on the Styrofoam plate and the onion he had been playing with rocketed off the edge of the plate… and right into Raph's coffee cup. _Oh shell. _ Don thought as he jumped to his feet. He didn't like the look he was getting from his brother at the moment.

"I'm so sorry Raph. Really, I didn't mean to! I swear it was an accident."

Leo and Mikey glanced up from their own meals to see what the commotion was all about.

"Why you little…" Raphael jumped to his feet.

Donatello took off running with Raph in hot pursuit.

"Did we miss something?" Mikey asked.

"I think so." Leo replied. He tried to figure out what had happened and glanced over at Raph's food, nothing seemed amiss. Mikey leaned over to do the same and as he did he passed over Raph's coffee and spotted the foreign object.

"Uh, I think I found it Leo."

Don's shouts of apology and Raph's continued threats were getting farther away, but Mikey and Leo weren't too concerned yet, though the next exchange between the two turtles who had left so abruptly was a little more concerning.

"Come 'ere you little..."

"Please, Raph, I'm really sorry. I'll do anything. Oh, I'll drive the rest of the day. You can enjoy the scenery! Please don't make me run anymore."

Mikey looked down at the cup in disbelief one more time before heading off to rescue his brother.

Leo looked over and saw the white ring floating in Raphael's coffee.

"He couldn't have done that one if he tried." Leo said in disbelief. He looked over at his brothers. Donatello was on his back on the ground and Mikey had positioned himself between the distressed and enraged turtles.

"Come on, Raph. It was an accident, there's no way he could have done that on purpose!" Michelangelo was physically holding the short tempered turtle back and Donatello was struggling to get off his back. Mikey had gotten the fight under control so Leo started cleaning up the lunch mess. It was time to get back on the road.


	5. Path of Greatest Negative Gradient

Road Trip: The Path of Greatest Negative Gradient.

A/N: For those of you out there who don't get math and physics humor the gradient is a measure of how steep something is, and negative means it's sloping down. Also, as usual, HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed! As I have mentioned before, each chapter is pretty much a one shot, but they are all tied together by being part of the same trip!

"So what're we doin' today?" Mikey asked Leonardo.

"Day hike," was the short simple reply.

"A day hike? Whose idea was that?"

"Mine." Raphael put in. "You got a problem with it?"

"Uh, no."

"Good."

A quiet sigh of relief escaped Donatello at the narrowly avoided fight behind him. They had been cooped up in the Battle Shell for an awful long time, and tensions were just beginning to boil. He spotted the road to the trailhead and pulled off the highway. It was early and the place was deserted, if it remained this way for a while they should be able to get up and down the hill with no problem. He shut off the Battle Shell and everyone gathered their gear for the hike. Within minutes they were on their way up. The first stretch of the path was paved and everything was clearly marked.

The smells in this area were unique, and a wonderful change from the city they spent most of their lives in. If they were lucky they might even get to see some wildlife. If they were really lucky that wildlife wouldn't think of them as food. Donatello recalled a 'beware of bears' sign on the road and wondered how often they roamed around this trail.

The path switched to gravel, but again it was clearly marked and well taken care of. A river rushed nearby and the sound of the water was relaxing. Even Michelangelo didn't disrupt the tranquility of the location as they continued up the hill.

As they neared the top they began to find rock formations that were great places to climb up and look out over the surrounding valley.

"Would you take a look at this view?" Raphael called from the top of one of the rock formations. From this point there was nothing but natural beauty for as far as the eye could see, well except for the one twisty road that wound its way through the mountains.

"Yeah, imagine how it would look if it weren't so hazy." Don said coming up beside his brother.

The moment snapped for Raphael. "You really know how to bring a guy down, don't you?" Raphael stormed down the outcropping leaving a confused brother in his wake.

"Hey guys," Leo called out, "there's a ledge a short way up that might be a nice place to stop for lunch. You hungry?"

"Am I ever!" Mikey enthused.

"Of course you are." Raph grumbled, "When are you not hungry?"

Mikey just smiled at his brother and Raphael couldn't help but feel a little cheerier too.

"Yeah Leo, sounds good." Raphael called back.

When they reached Leo's ledge they took off their packs and pulled out their lunches. Leo had made wrap sandwiches for everyone. He had been about to use bread when Raph had stopped him and handed him a pack of tortillas instead. Leo hadn't even known that they had tortillas, but it was better this way. The tortillas wouldn't smash in their bags the way bread would.

Michelangelo pulled out a bag of Oreos.

"Mikey, where did you get those?" Leo asked.

"I packed them. Do you want some?" Leo accepted two of the cookies and handed the bag to Raph who pulled five from the bag and placed them on the wrapper his sandwich had been in. Absently, he handed the bag around to Don.

"Honestly, how can you eat those things?" The purple-clad turtle asked. Sure, he liked a good cookie as much as the next guy, Oreos just didn't qualify as a good cookie.

"How can you not?" Mikey asked taking the bag from Raphael. He pulled out a cookie and twisted it. The white stuff all remained on the dark cookie in his left hand. He tossed the cookie in his right hand in the air and caught it in his mouth, then made a show of slowly licking the white stuff off the remaining cookie making sure that his brother knew that he was thoroughly enjoying every last bit of it. He opened his eyes to make sure Donnie was watching. Don was watching alright, and he looked more than a little sickened.

"You're disgusting. That stuff is just shortening and sugar, you know."

"That, Donnie, is what makes it so great!" Raphael added in his orange clad brother's defense.

"Come on guys," Leo chided, "you know he doesn't like them. There's no need to tease him about it."

When Don looked to his oldest brother in relief he found the normally serious blue-clad turtle doing a perfect imitation of Michelangelo.

"Yeah, thanks Leo. Mikey, I'm going to make you regret you ever brought those things." Don promised.

_This isn't right. Come on, there is NO WAY this is right. I know the map showed only one trail, it's not a loop, so we should be going down the same way we came up. This isn't right. _

"Uh, Leo, Are you sure this is right?" Mikey asked.

Donatello was relieved. He wasn't the only one who knew that this wasn't the way they came up.

"Sure, I'm sure. It's the only path there is Mikey."

"Leo, this is insane! It has a HUGE negative gradient and I know for a FACT we didn't climb this."

"You too, Donnie? Did you see another path?" Leo asked, exasperated.

"Well, not the way we came this time no, but…"

"This was the only path there is, we must have come this way."

"I'm telling you Leo, we did not come this way!" Mikey interjected as he latched onto a nearby tree in an attempt to stop his all too rapid descent.

"Since when do we listen to you, Mikey?" Raph reminded his brother.

"Since I'm right! Donnie agrees with me!"

They came across a particularly steep incline and if it hadn't been for the recent rains this would have been all scree and they would have killed themselves with this descent. As it was, Mikey looked for a branch to grab onto as he went down the hill.

"You're corrupting him." Raphael insisted.

"Hey!" Don complained. "He's not corrupting me, he's right!" Donatello paused for a moment, waiting for Michelangelo to get a ways ahead of him so that if he, Don, fell he wouldn't take his brother with him. Not that he was planning on falling; it just seemed a rather distinct possibility here. Besides, looking at the spindly little tree that was the only available handhold he wasn't sure it would hold one turtle, much less two! When Mikey was clear Don took hold of the little tree and slid down the incline. He almost didn't get stopped in time when his brothers came to a halt ahead of him.

"Ok, maybe you're right." Leo finally admitted. "I don't think we climbed this."

"I TOLD YOU SO!" Mikey reveled in his chance to say those words.

"Yeah, Mikey, you told me so."

Don came around to see what his brothers were seeing. In front of him was what had to be a 40 foot (12m) drop and it looked like the horizontal displacement was only 15-20 ft (4-6m) during that drop.

At the bottom of the drop lay another edge. That one was a cliff, as if this weren't enough of one. If you were moving too quickly at the bottom of this hill you would sail right over the edge.

Raphael led the way down followed by Leo, Mikey and Donnie. There was a tense moment when Leo missed the last tree and was almost going too fast to get stopped at the bottom. Reaching the flat surface Leo pushed hard away from the ledge and dove back toward the hill. He was covered in dirt from the attempt, but at least he hadn't gone over the edge.

"Yeah great," Mikey mumbled, "I get to follow that."

Don laughed quietly as Michelangelo started his way down the hill.

When all four turtles made it, by some miracle, safely to the bottom of the hill they picked up the almost-path again and continued on their way, with Leo back in the front.

"Uh, guys." Donatello called out a few minutes later.

"Now what?" Raphael demanded. He knew the tone that Donnie had used. It was the one that said something was wrong. As if there weren't enough wrong already.

"We're not going the right way."

"How do you mean, Donnie?" Leo asked, halting the group to let his brother explain.

"Well, we went up the mountain we were heading northeast right?"

Leonardo pulled the map back out, "yes."

"Well, then we're not headed back toward the parking lot."

Donatello received three blank stares, and he sighed. Keeping bearings in the dark or at night was no problem, but evidently their training went on hiatus during the daytime. Or maybe it was just today, he sure hoped the latter was the case. But they usually spent the day underground, so they never really needed to do this before.

"Look, it's about two o'clock in the afternoon right? That means that the sun should be to the south and a little to the west. But the sun is over there." He pointed to the close star that just about lined up with his left shoulder using the other hand. "We went up northeast, so we should be going down southwest, but we're going southeast, we haven't gone west at all. We're going the wrong direction." The turtle stated flatly.

Leo sighed, "I saw a branch off going the other direction a short way back. Let's try that."

The group performed an about face on the narrow path and Donatello was now in front, followed by Mikey, Raph and Leo. Don found the branch and led his brothers down the narrow trail.

"Hey Donnie, What's that?" Mikey asked pointing to an object hanging from a tree branch a short way ahead of them.

Don looked at the bright pink item and recognized it immediately. "It's surveyors tape!" He hurried over to the tape and searched for an accompanying marker. There on the next tree was a small sign 'ANGL CRK TRLHD' and a small arrow head pointed the direction they were heading. Don glanced around, found the sun and adjusted his bearings.

"Donnie?" Leo asked from the back of the group "You ok?"

"Yup, I'm great, Leo! Angel Creek Trailhead is this direction." Don headed off again with his brothers in tow.

When they reached a small clearing Raphael came up beside his purple clad brother. "We're at the bottom of the hill now aren't we?" Raph asked, though it wasn't really a question. He sounded like he knew that they were at the bottom.

"I think so, it's really flat here."

"You don't think we went right past the parking lot do you?"

Donatello didn't answer, but the look on his face told Raphael that his brother had been wondering the same thing, but they kept walking; at this point there was nothing else to do.

Suddenly, the forest around them opened up and they emerged into the afternoon sun… and the parking lot. Raphael and Donatello stopped dead in their tracks.

"How on Earth did we accomplish that?" Leo asked as he emerged from the trees.

"Hmm… Well, we made it!" Mikey stated simply. His brothers turned and glared at him. "What?"

"People!" Raphael warned. Four turtles dove back into the trees and watched as a busload of school children passed their hiding spot.

They could breathe easy again when they finally reached the Battle Shell.

"I am SO not leading the day hike next time." Leo promised.

"All votes for Donnie!" Mikey shouted raising his hand.

He received two ayes and one rather vehement nay.

"Why not, Donnie?" Leo asked.

"I didn't stop you from making the wrong turn in the first place. I don't know where we made the wrong turn any more than you do!" He pointed out.

"But you did find the parking lot." Raphael reminded him.

"So?"

"So, next time you lead the day hike!" His three brothers insisted.

Donatello shook his head, but let them have their fun for now. He knew that by the time the next hike came along that this whole little incident would be forgotten completely. He certainly wasn't going to lead, that was all there was to it. Raphael jumped into the driver's seat, Mikey was riding shotgun and Leo climbed in back with Don. Within moments they were on the road again.


	6. Hostel or Hostile?

A/N: I have a confession to make. I don't like Oreos, never have. It's the white stuff it just tastes bitter to me, and the aftertaste and texture, just all bad. :-p

* * *

"Mikey are you sure about this?" Leonardo asked skeptically. 

"Sure I'm sure. I called ahead, talked to the guy, we won't see anyone if we show up late enough. All we have to do is sign in and leave cash."

"I don't know. We'll be awfully exposed."

"Aw, come on Leo. It'll be nice not to sleep in the back of the truck for a change." Michelangelo could see that he was wearing his cautious brother down. He really wanted this experience, and he didn't see it as coming along again in the near future. "The proprietor is blind, so he can't see us even if he wanted too and he said he hasn't had a guest in a couple of weeks. What's the worst that could happen? Besides we'll be out of town and back on the road again in a couple days, or even tomorrow if we choose. They'll never see us again."

Donatello looked up from the brochure in his hands. "What's this about a chore? What kind of chore?" It wasn't that he minded doing a chore, but a thousand horrible scenarios of people seeing them were flashing through his head.

"Nothing major," Mikey insisted. "Just things like sweeping the floor and stuff. Real quick, takes five minutes. We get up do them before anyone else wakes, that is if anyone else shows at all and we get out."

"Seems you have this all planned." Raph observed sourly, he didn't think this was a good idea at all.

"I do. Come on guys, it'll be fun."

Michelangelo received three unconvinced looks in return, but eventually Don and Leo conceded. Quick application of puppy dog eyes brought Raph into the fold. Although Raphael would never admit it, Mikey's puppy dog eyes repeatedly made him cave. All too often he wound up regretting it.

* * *

It was well after dark when Raphael pulled the Battle Shell into the driveway. Mikey's research into this place revealed that the owner went to bed at 9:00 most nights leaving a clipboard and envelope for new guests to sign in on and pay as well as a chore list for expected guests to do in the mornings. Don glanced quickly over the chore list and stifled a laugh when he realized that Raph was not going to be happy with what he had been assigned. They signed in and put their 40 payment into the envelope. Knowing they would have to rise early in the morning they headed off to bed. 

Four bunks were crowded into the small space and one of them had no ladder to the top bunk. Being the last one in the room Leo was stuck with the special bed. Raph and Mikey had claimed the bottom beds and Don had claimed the one with a ladder. Leonardo sighed and climbed Don's ladder and jumped across to the other bed. Donatello's bunk shook so hard that it nearly spilled both turtles to the floor. Leo hadn't noticed the shoddy construction before he made his jump and nearly fell short of his equally wobbly target.

"Yeah, maybe I should have warned you about that." Don commented coolly of the poorly assembled bed.

Raph and Mikey were laughing at their brother's misfortune from the safety of the bottom beds.

"You think this is funny?" Leo demanded.

"Yes indeedy, we do think it's funny!" Mikey howled.

"Think of it this way Leo." Don suggested. "If these fall down, and it looks like that could be a real possibility, you and I will land on top of a nice mattress while those two get buried." Donnie grinned evilly down at Michelangelo who was looking worriedly up at Leo's bed directly above him. "Sleep well guys!" Don sniggered as he rolled over carefully. He was trying to move as little as possible, because even though he might joke about it, he didn't want the bed collapsing.

* * *

Leonardo had no idea that Michelangelo was such a restless sleeper. Every time his brother so much as twitched Leo knew about it. He could hear other set of bunks creaking too and wondered who was causing the ruckus over there. Glancing over he noticed Raphael moving around on the bottom bunk apparently asleep. Leo sighed and was just about to turn over and try to go back to sleep before Mikey moved again when he noticed Don looking at him. 

"Can't sleep either, huh," Don whispered. He was a little surprised since Leo usually slept like a log, but maybe it was the strange surroundings that were keeping him alert.

"Nope, I'm seriously considering going back out to the Battle Shell."

"Mikey would be disappointed." Don commented off-hand.

"Yeah, I know." Leo could hear the longing in Don's voice. Seemed his brother was just as ready to go out to the rig as he was. Leo shifted slightly to a more comfortable position and closed his eyes one more time.

* * *

"Hey, Hey, Hey Sleepy Heads!" Mikey called out as he leapt from his bed pounced onto Raphael's and nearly shook Don from his. As it was Leonardo was tossed from his bunk and landed on the floor with a crash. 

"Mikey, what time is it?" Leo muttered from the floor.

"It, Dear Brother, is time to get up!"

Donatello had crawled down from his bed by this time and was pulling on the pants Casey had found for him. _At least it's not the stupid white street wear._ He thought as he pulled on the khaki colored pants. "Why are you so chipper this morning?" Don asked.

"Because now we get to explore this place a little!" Mikey all but shouted.

"Shush, Mikey, it's too early for this." Raphael muttered. He had his gray pants on and was pulling a solid red fleece over his head. He glared at his boisterous brother who, in his black pants and bright orange fleece, looked like a traffic pylon.

"What?" Mike asked, noticing the look he received from his brother.

Raphael shook his head. "Nothing, absolutely nothing." He left to find the bathroom.

"What's the matter, Don? Did you lose something?" Leo asked. He had khaki on the bottom and blue on top

Donatello continued to dig through his bag. He knew he had a fleece, but it must have gotten down to the very bottom. Finally finding the object he was searching for and pulled the black fleece from the bag.

"Hey, how come yours is black?" Mikey asked. "We all have our colors."

"I don't know. Casey got them remember? Who ever knows what's going on in his head?" Don absently turned the fleece around and pulled it on.

"I know why Casey got you that one." Leo said with a knowing smile.

"Huh?" Donatello looked down and spotted the small blue circle on the left chest: the NASA vector logo.

* * *

"Oh you have GOT to be KIDDING me!" Raph's voice echoed through the hostel. 

"Shh… Raph, what are you trying to do? Wake everyone up?" Don said, poking his head into the bathroom where Raphael had been assigned to do his chores.

"What everyone? There's no one here."

"The proprietor is here. And probably still in bed." Don reminded him quietly. He leaned the broom he had been using to sweep the cobwebs from the ceiling against the door. "So, what exactly is the problem?"

"That." Raph indicated the container of Comet and the two sponges. The smaller sponge sat near the sink.

Don was beginning to see the problem. "So uh? What's your job again?" He was beginning to lose the battle with the giggles.

"Clean the sink and the toilet." Raph informed darkly. He could tell Don was fighting for his composure.

"Have you cleaned the sink?" Don forced out, careful to keep the laughter at bay.

"Yes, I cleaned the sink. I have no problem with cleaning the sink." Raph growled.

"You've cleaned the toilet at home without complaint, and we do live in the sewers so…" Don had to swallow a laugh, "So, uh, what's the problem now?" He was pushing Raph's buttons, he knew it, but this was just too much.

"The problem, brainiac, is that even we have a handle on the toilet bowl scrubber. The bozo gave me a SPONGE!" Raph made a move to pick it up so he could throw it.

"I thought you didn't want to touch it. After all, it is the toilet scrubber." Raphael was glaring at him, and Don knew he had to think fast. "Know what Raph? I saw a drawer filled with rubber bands, give me two minutes, ok?" He slipped out of the room before giving Raphael a chance to answer.

When Donatello returned he had two rubber bands, a two foot long stick and a plastic bag.

"What are you doing?" Raphael asked.

"Watch and learn Raphy!" Don pulled the plastic bag onto his left hand and picked up the sponge. He wrapped it around one end of the stick and secured it using the rubber bands. He peeled off the bag and handed the 'new' toilet bowl scrubber to his brother. "Here you are. Have fun." Don peeled the plastic bag off his hand and dropped it in the trash. He washed his hands, in Raph's newly clean sink, then grabbed the broom and went back to sweeping the ceiling.

Half an hour later they were packed up and back in the Battle Shell with Don at the wheel.

"So what'd you think?" Mikey asked excitedly. "Wasn't that great? Can we stay again tonight?"

"Forget it, Mikey!" Three turtles exclaimed in unison.


	7. Where Are We?

Wow, it's been a while for this one. Most of this story is based on personal experience, either mine, or that of friends and family. That last chapter was two of my most memorable hostel experiences (I left out the creepy roommates, the cockroaches, oh and the mice). It's not much fun leaping across wobbly beds because you don't have a ladder then getting dumped from the top bunk (Alice Springs, Australia), nor is cleaning the toilet with a sponge (Olympic Nat'l Park, Washington, USA). BTW if you're ever in Surfer's Paradise, I uh, recommend camping or a motel. I do hope that somewhere along the course of the story you all recognize something similar to a travel story of your own. My best travel memories are the ones of things that went wrong.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles or the Battle Shell. They are the genius creations of Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman and are owned by people who are not me. I'm just borrowing them. I make no money from this and mean no harm. Please don't sue.

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Where are we?**

"Where are we?" Raph asked Mikey as he woke up from his short nap.

"Uh, here." Mike responded. He'd been driving around this city for twenty minutes and really had no idea beyond that where they were.

"That much I can see."

"Yeah, me too." Mike admitted.

"You don't have a clue where we are, do you." Raph growled.

Mikey shrugged. Raph was certainly right about that. Michelangelo had absolutely no idea where they were. He made a right turn at a stop light onto a road that didn't look familiar but seemed worth a shot and it looked like it was going the direction he wanted to go.

"I'm trying to get back to the freeway." Mikey explained. "I think it's over that way somewhere." He waved in the general direction of in front and to the right. "I just can't find it."

"You're kidding, right?" Raph demanded of his directionally challenged brother. "You got lost getting back to the freeway?"

"Hey, it's harder than it looks! You think you can find it, be my guest!"

"I think I will, pull over."

Mikey obeyed and pulled into the next parking lot where he switched places with Raphael. "You don't know where we are any more than I do, sleepyhead." Mikey reminded his angry brother.

"I'm not the one who got us lost."

"We're not lost!" Mikey insisted. "We're misplaced!"

"We don't know where we are, that makes us lost!"

Leonardo and Donatello had woken up when the vehicle had been pulled over, but had sat quietly in the back up to this point.

"What do you mean 'we're lost'?" Leo asked.

"Just what I said, Leo." Raph snapped. "Shellforbrains here couldn't find the freeway."

Mikey crossed his arms across his plastron, but didn't respond.

Leo shook his head, more at the argument than at being lost. He'd realized a few days ago that things could definitely be worse and to just let what happened happen. As impossible as it sounded, Leonardo was taking a 'let it be' approach to this trip.

"Need a navigator Raph?" Don asked.

"I can do it!" Mikey insisted.

"You already got us lost once!" Raph snapped.

Leo sighed again and watched as Donatello pulled a map of the city out of a storage area. "Where did you get that?"

"This?" Don asked, holding up the map. "They were in a newspaper dispenser at the last gas station." He handed the map to Mikey in the passenger seat.

"So, uh, where are we?" Mike asked as he looked down at the map.

"We don't know," Raph reminded his brother. "because SOMEONE got us lost."

Mikey glared at Raph again, but started looking at the map for something familiar. There was a big river running through the center of the city, but Mikey didn't even know which side of the river they were on, much less which side they wanted to be on. Raphael drove across a simple, concrete bridge and Mike found himself even more confused as to which side of the river was preferable. He sighed and handed the map back to Donnie in the back.

"Mikey, in case you haven't noticed, there aren't a whole lot of windows back here for me to see where we are and where we're going." Don stated flatly.

"Well, I'll tell you then." Mikey suggested.

Don sighed and shook his head, but allowed for Mikey's little experiment in navigation. "Ok, what street are we on?"

"We don't know." Raph insisted.

"Well, look at the signs."

"Right, there's a BIG book store." Mikey suggested.

"Fascinating," Donnie deadpanned, "and under different circumstances I wouldn't mind stopping, but that isn't exactly helpful. Try the street signs."

"Oki-dokie" Mike chimed brightly.

Raphael drove across another bridge to the other side of the river. This time the bridge had several levels of traffic and large trusses that reached high above them.

"Raph, it might be helpful to stay on one side of the river." Leo suggested.

"Well, this is where the road took us." The red-masked turtle snapped back. His nerves had worn thin earlier in the day and he didn't particularly want to be lost right now.

"9th!" Mikey cried out. Immediately Don started looking for the street they were traveling on.

"How about a cross street?" Don asked, attempting to further narrow down their position. Raph turned right on Burnside and the road curved around heading to the river again. Another simple concrete bridge, and the group returned to the original side of the river.

"Here's Maple." Mike said as they passed through an intersection.

Don quickly found where they were on the map and spun the paper around until they were facing the right direction. "Ok, found it. We're going the wrong way, find a place to turn right."

Raphael nodded and started looking for a place to make the turn. He drove through an intersection for a one way street going the wrong direction and growled. He wanted out of here. The next street was blocked off and he continued in his direction of travel. The next street was one way in the wrong direction again.

"Raph? Are you going to turn somewhere?" Leo asked carefully.

"When it's legal, or would you rather I got pulled over. We could have a nice little high-speed road chase. Getting captured by humans would be a great way to end the day."

"Sorry. Sorry." Leo held up his hands in concession, dropping the argument.

The next road had a no right turn sign even though drivers already on the street could go the direction Raph wanted to. He sighed as he passed through yet another intersection. "How do you get off the stupid street!" He shouted. Finally, he found a road going their direction and turned right on 14th.

"What now?" Mikey asked.

"Look for Oak Park and turn left, that should take us back to the freeway." Don replied.

After a couple minutes Mike pointed at a street ahead and Raph made a left on Oak. A curve in the road that wasn't on the map had Don slightly confused. The road took them back across the river. This time the bridge was quite grandiose. Large steel cables reached skyward. The continued on their way.

"Did we just cross another bridge?" Don asked.

"Yeah." Raph replied.

According to the map, there were no bridges on Oak Park. "Are you sure you turned on Oak Park?" Don asked.

"Yup, Oak Parkway." Mike responded.

Don looked down at the map and noticed the street. Oak Parkway was two blocks past where they had wanted to turn on Oak Park Avenue. "Guys, we wanted Oak Park Avenue, not Oak Parkway."

"Who NAMED these streets?" Raphael cried out. "This is ridiculous."

As much as Don didn't want to be the cause of a Raphael explosion, he had more bad news. "We're on the wrong side of the river too." He added softly.

Raph turned around in his seat and glared at his brother with the map. Don just shrugged.

"Watch the road, Raph!" Leo screamed, and Raphael whipped back around just in time to slam on the brakes and avoid rear-ending a Porsche. That would have been an interesting one to try and explain. Probably would have made the papers too. _"Four Little Green Men Hit Porsche"_ They didn't really need that sort of publicity, or publicity of any kind, really.

"Raph, turn left on 12th." Don said after a moment. "And left again on Oak Park this time."

"Aye aye, Map Man." Raph shot back sarcastically.

Don and Leo shook their heads at the comment while Mike grinned.

"Road's got three lanes." Raphael told his brother's unnecessarily.

"Uh, It will probably be to the right, but I can't be sure. Stay in the middle for now and watch the signs."

Mike turned around and saluted. Don glared.

"Right!" Mikey shouted when he saw the Freeway sign pointing East. Raph checked his mirrors and made the lane change. Moments later, they were back on the open road.

"Hey Donnie," Mikey asked as he turned around. "Is there a bridge in that city that we didn't cross?"

Don looked at his brother questioningly before pulling the map back out and checking. "No. We took the, uh, scenic route."


	8. Bowling Pins

**A/N: **Something very similar to this one actually happened this past summer. It never made enough of a chapter before, but I think this one might just work. I just got back from a road trip in good ol' CA, and those road trips are always such wonderful fodder for this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the next installment of ROAD TRIP!

**Disclaimer: ** I own nothing. No turtles and certainly no birds ((shudders) I've been attacked by them before and have a rather irrational fear of them) belong to me. I make no money from this and I mean no harm. Please do not sue. Michelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo and Raphael belong to Mirage Studios. I'm just playing with them, and I promise to return them just the way I found them.

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**Bowling Pins**

"Donnie, watch out!" Michelangelo screamed from the passenger seat.

"I see them!" Donatello shouted back as he slammed on the brakes and re-aimed the Battle Shell on the, for all intents and purposes, deserted highway. He listened carefully, paying special attention to any fluctuations in the roadway as he aimed for the small gap. He was not sure the Battle Shell could clear a gap that small, and he couldn't get stopped in the amount of time he had.

"What's going on?" Leonardo asked groggily from the back end of the truck. Raphael seemed to want an answer to the same question, but neither Donatello nor Michelangelo were quite ready to respond at the moment. They were busy.

"Did you hit 'em? Did you hit 'em?" Mikey asked hurriedly.

Don checked his mirrors and they revealed the same three things in the road. "No, we missed. They're ok."

Michelangelo beamed at his brother. "Great driving, Donnie!" he nearly threw himself into his brother's arms, and probably would have if Don had not needed to keep his attention on the road. Instead, he settled for clapping Don on the shell, which resulted in a slight swerve, nearly taking the Battle Shell off the road and down the very steep cliff they were driving along.

"Uh, Mikey, don't touch me when I'm driving, ok?"

"heh, right, bro. No touchy." Michelangelo replied with a grin, holding both hands up.

Don laughed under his breath and shook his head as the adrenaline worked its way out of his system. It had been nothing to worry about really, but somehow he was still running on high alert as a result of the 'encounter'. In the back of his mind he wondered if Mikey was too.

"Either of you planning on telling us what the shell just happened?" Raphael demanded.

Another laugh escaped Don and Mikey doubled over in a fit of giggles. That alone told Don everything he had wanted to know. Mikey definitely had an adrenaline rush at the moment, or maybe the triple espresso cafe latte he had gotten at the last stop was catching up with him. Either way, he was not going to be telling anyone anything anytime soon.

"They looked like bowling pins." Don laughed, now also beginning to have a little trouble keeping his eyes on the road. Perhaps it was the near-death experience, granted the death would not have been his own as the things that had been in the road would not have stood a chance against the approaching Battle Shell, or perhaps it was Mikey's response that had him nearly doubled over in laughter. Either way, he had to calm down before he could drive any farther. He set his features and forced himself to stop laughing.

"What's so funny? What did you almost hit?" Leo questioned, still rubbing sleep from his eyes, but also semi-aware of what his brothers had been saying. Apparently, it wasn't Mikey who had really needed the caffeinated beverage at the last stop. Leo wasn't alone in that need either as Raphael had also been asleep.

"Just some birds."

"Birds?" Raph asked with a quirk of his eyebrow. "All that was about a couple of birds? They're usually smart enough to get out of the way, you know." Raph muttered, as he started to lay down again. He never quite got there before his brothers started talking again, and he sat back up.

"Yeah, but these ones, apparently, weren't." Don informed the two formerly sleeping turtles. "They just stood there looking like bowling pins."

Mikey managed to get his giggles under control just enough to make a comment. "They were just lined up so perfectly!" he chortled.

"What?" Both Raphael and Leonardo were still confused. they simply didn't see what was so funny, but Don and Mikey both seemed to have gained some amusement out of the incident.

"Well, maybe you had to see it." Don responded with a laugh. They were just so perfectly placed across the road. Actually, if there had been one more, they would have been evenly spaced.

"You're lucky someone else beat you to hitting that bird, Don. I wouldn't have forgiven you." Mikey commented, trying without success to keep a straight face.

"Oh yeah you would have, but you're right, that's what it looked like. Bowling pins neatly spaced across the road way!" Don smiled.

"What are you talking about? What bowling pins?" Leo asked.

"Birds that looked like brown bowling pins." Mikey replied.

"I think they might have been ptarmigans." Don added. Not that his response helped Leo's confusion any.

Raph huffed. "They didn't move?"

"Nope," Don confirmed. "They were still in the road when I checked the mirrors. All three of them. Two in the oncoming lane and one in ours."

"Stupid birds." Raph muttered as he lay back down and tried to get back to sleep.

"Well, ptarmigans aren't exactly known for being the brains of the avian world." Don commented as he continued to guide the Battle Shell down the deserted highway.


	9. Kansas

** Disclaimer:** If I owned the ninja turtles, I would not be here writing fan fiction. I do not own the turtles or any associated characters or places. They are the property of Mirage Studios. I make no money from this and I mean no harm. Please do not sue.

**A/N:** Wow, it's been a while on this one. I started this chapter last summer, and it was another bunny for this story that actually spurned me into getting this one up! Hopefully that means there will be another chapter in the fairly near future. Enjoy!

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**Kansas**

Leonardo woke up from his nap in the back of the Battle Shell and looked around. He was unsurprised to find Raphael still behind the wheel and Michelangelo 'navigating'. While the passenger's seat had been deemed the navigator's seat some days ago, at the moment there was not much navigating to be done. Mikey was actually reading a comic book rather than paying attention to the road they were on. All around was... well... not a whole lot. Pretty much the road in front of them and fields out to either side. It looked like... sunflowers on the left? Leo looked again and decided that those were definitely sunflowers. Glancing out the opposing window, Leo found that there were sunflowers on the right too. He marveled at just how flat everything was. Not the evening before, they had been driving through mountains. Leo had never seen mountains quite like the ones they'd been driving through for the past few days of their trip. They had positively dwarfed the Appalachians that he had seen from time to time living on the east coast. The Rockies made the mountains that Leo had grown up around seem like mere hills.

For a moment, Leo considered what the Midwest. It was obviously farming country, and Donnie had rattled off a list of crops several ago when they had passed through the region a few hundred miles to the north. Corn, soy and wheat, Leo remembered had been toward the top of that list. Cattle had been important too. He made a mental note to add sunflowers to that list as well as whatever these red-topped plants now growing on the left side of the Battle Shell were.

Leo considered waking his still sleeping brother, as the road trip had been meant as a chance to see the country and Donatello had missed enough of it as it was, but in the end he decided that the scenery here wasn't exactly worth it. And he didn't particularly want a lecture on the history of the windmill. A history lecture that would without a doubt be unappreciated by Raph and Mikey as well. In fact, the blue-masked turtle had a sneaking suspicion that his purple-masked brother would get a kick out of sticking around until after dark for the sole purpose of exploring one of the still standing windmills. The ones near houses, Leo had noticed, no longer seemed operational. The missing vanes were a big clue, but some complete and standing windmills stood farther out in fields and would be ideal places for an overly curious ninja to satisfy said curiosities. No, it was best to let Don sleep.

Apparently though, Leo's shifting had caused just enough of a disturbance to awaken Donatello, who had also been napping in the back. The purple-masked turtle yawned quietly and glanced around the vehicle.

"Morning, sleepyheads!" Mikey greeted without really turning from his comic book. Only two pages remained and he really wanted to finish this book. He'd been looking for it for some time now and had only managed to pick it up in the last city they'd passed through. It had only been when Don and Leo had fallen asleep again and there was no navigating to be done that he had gotten a chance to read it. As soon as he had finished the book, Mikey slipped it into a protective sleeve and turned to look at the two turtles in the back. Donatello stuck his tongue out at him in response to the name-calling and Mikey chuckled.

The sunflowers abruptly became wheat as the quartet continued their trip. For the most part, the group was quiet, each doing their own things. Leo continued to watch the scenery, or lack thereof.

Wheat gave way to pastures filled with cows grazing on soft green grass. Power poles lined the highway they drove on. Leo found the even spacing and flat, monotonous landscape soothing and soon found himself dropping into a light meditative state without really meaning too.

Cows gave way to a wheat field and the sudden change snapped Leo out of his meditation. He decided then and there that it was a good thing he wasn't driving. Wheat became corn. Corn became sunflowers. Sunflowers became cows grazing on wheat amid power poles.

"I can't get over how flat it is here." Leo commented, still looking out the windows as they passed a farmhouse with a single windmill standing nearby. Two silos could be seen in the middle distance.

"Yup, really boring." Raph commented.

"Yeah," Mikey agreed to Leo's statement while ignoring Raphael's, "flat as a pancake." On the other hand, Raph did have a point. Mikey was glad he was reading instead of driving. He would have stopped paying attention to the road a long time ago.

"Flatter, actually," Don corrected his orange-masked kin, earning a strange look from the two brothers facing him and a third via the rear-view mirror from Raphael.

"You're serious?" The red-masked turtle questioned. When he saw his brother starting to open his mouth again, he suddenly wondered if he would regret his question.

"Yes," Donatello responded. "A couple of mathematicians from Arizona did a topological study. They created a computer model, compared Kansas to a pancake and found that Kansas showed less deviation."

Leo, Raph and Mikey stared. Don sighed and shook his head.

"They made a Kansas-sized pancake, compared it to the state and found that the state was flatter."

"Oh," Three turtles responded.

"Look, power poles." Mikey exclaimed at the change of scenery. Don and Leo shared a small chuckle at their orange-masked brother's expense and Raphael shook his head.


End file.
